The Communication.

     Have you ever been walking down the street, and you see someone on the other side of a window, waving at you? You're not sure if you know them, and they're pretty far off, so you look around to see if there's anyone else around. Nope. No one. They must be waving at you! So, you start to wave back. But as you do, your feet have been carrying you closer and closer to your mystery waver. Now, you can clearly see them, and they can clearly see you. And you can clearly see a confused person on the other piece of glass...the glass. They're not waving, they're washing the window! You don't know them, you never did, and you look like a weirdo flailing your arm at some stranger as they clean. Okay, take that feeling, and experience it every few hours and you pretty much have my experience as a stay at home dad.
     Evy's cries are starting to mean specific things, but many times it's hit or miss. It's like I think she's waiving at me, but she's really just washing the proverbial window. But, I'm getting a little better at recognizing what she's doing on the other side of that window. Eventually, she'll learn how to talk, and I may not have to guess... as much. I'll tell ya though, one thing I have learned how to read pretty well, is when poop shoots right out of her diaper and up her back. Know how I know? Because I can usually feel it on my hands as it soaks through her onesie. Ya. That one I've got down solid.

The Disconnect.

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     I'm not a computer genius. I think I'm better than most, but there are a lot of people out there better than me, and I'm better than all the people that currently live in my house. This means that when something electronic does goes haywire, it immediately gets passed to me. A friend who's in the same electronic situation I am laughs about this with me. What our wives don't seem to understand is that we don't know right away what's wrong either! We do some poking around, do some research online, take a best guess, try to see if anyone else has had a similar problem, and just keep trying until we find a solution. But the wives, they don't want to know this. I think they truly want to believe I have some magical power over all things computerized. I've talked about this in a little more detail in a previous post. Well, apparently I am to computers as Catie is to Evy.
     There are times when Evy cries, I have no idea what the problem is. She's clean, she's fed, she's the right temperature, but nothing seems to make her happy. At a certain point, I just hand her off to Catie. Nine times out of ten, Evy stops crying, goes all limp and slack-jawed, and then her eyes close. It's like magic! I ask Catie about this, and she says, "Oh, she just wanted to be bounced..." Bounced? That's what she wanted? How in the world did you divine "she just wanted to be bounced" out of that particular cry? It makes no sense to me. Catie and I sit down and start talking about this, because I can't pass Evy off to Catie every time she cries. Partially because it wouldn't be fair, but also because I'm going to stay home with Evy while Catie's at work. So, Catie asks me how I fix problems with computers.
     I tell her there's nothing really to it, I just poke around and see what I can do on my own. If that doesn't work, I look for other people online that may have had similar problems, and try what worked for them. She starts laughing and says, "that's exactly what I do with Evy!" When I think about it, she's right. When Evy was colicky, we tried a bunch of things on our own, none of them worked, so we went out and did some research. We bought a book, tried several new things, and found something that worked. When she cries now, I feel way more empowered. I sort of look at her like a computer, and just try stuff until the disks stop making that noise. And I guess when it comes to parenting I'm a lot like I am with computers: I'm better than a lot of people, but there's a lot of people better than me. Which gives me a little bit of hope. It lets me know I can help a few people out there with their children, and it tells me there's a lot of people out there who can help me. I'm not alone, and neither are you.

The Sickie.

     I have a little cold right now and a slight fever. Apparently, that's enough to put me in some kind of hermetically sealed room on medical lock-down just this side of a leper colony. Right now, Evaline is getting more antibodies than anyone else in this house and if she gets sick at this point it's not like she's going to be missing any school or work. Now, before I start getting hate mail, I do understand an adult cold can potential become a baby killer, but it's a long shot. But I guess it's better to be safe than sorry.
     The weird thing is I actually want to be in there, you know? I feel like I'm in little league soccer all over again just hoping the coach will put me in. "Come on, Coach! I can do it! I know I didn't put that last diaper on correctly and poo got on your shirt...and I know I keep leaving dirty diapers in the crib...but I can do this man! One for the Gipper?" While I'm not a Notre Dame fan, I still get it. The point is to win. With parenthood, at this current time and place, that means keeping the baby alive. Anything short of that is pretty much considered a big "L". So, spreading my sick breath all over Evy probably isn't a good thing. I still don't think Catie should make me sleep in the guest bedroom, but I gotta listen to Coach...I mean Catie.

The Realizations

     Here are some of the things I've discovered in the first week of fatherhood:

1. Eventually, everything becomes a burp rag.
   
2. No matter how much they poop, there's always a little left.
   
3. The importance of the cleanliness of foolers/binkies/pacifiers is directly inverse to the immediacy of its demand.
   
4. If you're dropping a laptop and a baby, it's good when you catch the baby.
   
5. Women are just as amazed at their ability to lactate as we are.
   
6. Dogs love to lick babies feet. I don't know why, they just do.
   
7. There are never enough diapers. Costco couldn't keep up with that kind of demand.
   
8. Bellybuttons are gross.
   
9. Sleep is precious.
   
10. Kids are worth it.