The Disappointment.

     There is a sinking sensation that disappointment is going to be inevitable in the process of raising my child. Either with my skills as a parent or with my child; or both. Either way, disappointment is just a fact of life and it's certain to exist in the relationship between my child, their mother, my wife, and myself as a husband and a father. If you notice, I've listed myself and my wife twice. It's because we're fulfilling multiple roles in our new family. But the disappointment here is going to be different.
     If something upsetting happens between my wife or I, we talk about it. We fight really, really well. That's one of the reasons I fell in love with her. There are things we will not do while fighting. Mistakes are still made in the heat of battle, but apologies are sincere and the mistakes are coming less and less often. When Catie is disappointed in me, she tells me. I (after much work) am getting better at not being immediately defensive, thinking about what she's saying, and trying to understand what happened and how it can be fixed. It's not (always) about who's right or who's wrong. More often than not, it's about us understanding what happened, where the disappointment came from.
     I've had several friends who were either in relationships or got married to someone who was a complete idiot. The first few times this happened I made the mistake of telling them how much of an idiot I thought the other person was. This immediately drove a wedge between us. No matter how right I was, love is blind, stupid, and drunk. After I thought I learned from this mistake, I sat by as my other friends made similar mistakes, married the idiot, and are still suffering. Now it's like trying to help an animal stuck in a trap: they'll bite the very person trying to save them. The tactics that work with my wife just don't work with friends.
     But with my kid, it's going to be different. No matter what happens they will always be my child. No matter how disappointed I am, nothing can or will change that. So what can I do when they're doing something stupid, blind, or drunk? Especially drunk. I once told my mother I'd rather fail on my own than succeed because of her. Sounds harsh, I know, but at the time it was true. I want my kid to own their successes, but I also want to protect them from the drunk mistakes. I have no idea how I'm going to do this and still allow them to be who they are and learn from their mistakes. I'm afraid that part of being a parent is about sitting by and watching as your child endangers themselves or makes mistakes.