The Stank.

Still haven't found what I'm looking for

     We all do stupid things. The trick is in trying not to repeat stupid mistakes. See, the one common denominator between all people is that we all do stupid things. The fine line that separates "normies" from "dummies" is how often stupid things are repeated. The good news, for anyone on the line between dummy and normy, is there can be extenuating circumstances. For instance, I'm use to taking showers in the morning. That's just when showers are taken. Lately, I'm finding a once normal behavior (showering in the morning) to be a stupid behavior. I take a shower in the morning and the next thing I know I've got some combination of spit-up, throw up (yes there is a difference between spit-up and throw up), poop, urine, bag balm, and "other". Why would I shower for that? It's like getting cleaned up to go mud wrestling. Regardless, I continue to shower in the morning, even though I know I'm going to be covered in a thin film of gross baby byproduct within a matter of minutes. On the other hand, if I shower at night, that just means I'm clean the few hours I sleep, then wake up and get dirty again. Maybe I should skip out on showering all together. Nah, that'd be stupid.

     Another stupid thing I do, and I just can't seem to shake, is something I like to call "Hideapoophobia" (pronounced hide-a-poo-fobia). There are times when I'm cleaning up after what can only be described as a poo version of Chernobyl that I get this sinking suspicion there is poo on me somewhere. Usually I have a feeling it's somewhere on my arm, like that spot around your elbow you can't actually see. I try to wipe myself off with one of those baby wipes, just to see if there's something there, but I haven't found anything, not even once. Yet I can't seem to get over my hideapoophobia. This would make me stupid. I guess children really can give you "the brain damage". I'm sure this is just the beginning of what will be a long list of stupid things I'll do as a parent. Just hope they're not too severe.

The Skootface.

IT'S SKOOTFACE!!!!

     I've seen it a hundred times! Little Billy or Suzy is learning to crawl and those giant thighs are much stronger than their underdeveloped T-Rex arms. Frustration ensues. As a parent, we all want to give our children that extra little boost, leg up, or (if you've had a baby T-Rex) arm extensions. I present to you SkootFace. No longer will your child's forehead be red and raw from scooting their heads across the carpet as their arms drift helplessly along the ground. No more will your child's toy continue to be out of reach! Think of never again having to lie to your friends how advanced your child's development is! With the SkootFace your child will be crawling as early as four months old. For only 19.99 you can start your child on an adventure of your house! Think: Miner's helmet with a wheel instead of a light.
     And the best part is, if you don't want them getting around, just take it off! They'll be like fish out of water. If your child is beginning to pick up speed, we have an optional head-bumper for only 5 dollars more! Five Dollars! Think of it! You can protect the Jell-O like consistency of your child's brain for only five dollars, now what parents wouldn't do that for their baby? Admittedly, your child's brain is losing neurons faster than than they can make them because of apoptosis, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't protect the ones that survive! So, go ahead and click on that "Donation" button at the top! I hope you don't expect to get anything, because this doesn't even exist, but still, it'll be fun! And you don't even have to sign up for an account, just give them all your credit card info. It's safer than it sounds... I hope you've been enjoying the blog. But seriously, SkootFace doesn't exist, and if you thought it did and still wanted to buy it for your child, seek help. Keep it funny!