The Settling.

     The picture on the left is how I remember Hugh Hefner. Suave, debonair, powerful, rich, and surrounded by beautiful women. All of it effortlessly done while wearing pajamas. How fantastic is that? But if you put your cursor on the image, you'll see what he's become: old. He turned became the same thing everyone turns into if they live long enough. He was married, has children, but left them to delve into his lifestyle. When I was young(er), I wanted to be Hugh. Everyone guy I knew wanted to be Hugh. Why wouldn't we want to be Hugh! He runs Playboy! PLAYBOY! Everything men are supposed to want, right there, all the time! I'm sorry about all the exclamation points, but it's HUGH! and PLAYBOY! for crying out loud.
     At least, that's what I thought I wanted. One of my philosophy profs once said you can't want what you already have. I struggled with trying to understand that for a long time. Eventually I start to get it, that in order to want something, it has to be outside of your possession. If you have it, you can no longer want it, it's impossible. Kinda. I think the exception to this rule are relationships. People are always in flux and the relationships I have with them change as a result. Settling down is kind of a misnomer because there's no settling involved. Not even a little bit. The world Hugh lives in seems great because he's Tarzan, swinging from vine to branch, never having to put real work into any relationship because there are no real relationships. He lives in a fantasy world. For more on what I'm talking about, go out and rent High Fidelity with John Cusack. It perfectly says what I'm trying to talk about here.
     Regardless, I don't want Hugh's life anymore. Not even a little bit. It's too much work for not nearly enough pay off. I hate to put it in those kinds of terms, but it's true. I get so much more out of my family than I ever have out of shallow, temporary, flighty relationships. And you know what? I get WAY more out of my family than I put in. It's not fair, but it works great. I'm not settling for less, I'm settling for more.