The Who.

     "Who do you think you are?" It's a good question...I haven't technically had a kid yet but I have the guts to start a blog trying to help fathers. I could see how there might be some confusion. I could give you some of my resume and background experience, how I've worked with children and youth for the last fourteen years, how I've been on panels to speak about effective communication with children with ADD/ADHD, and how I'm currently in my masters program for marriage and family therapy. But really, ultimately, none of that matters. Each child is different, each parent is different, and each parent/child pair is going to have different needs. This means, that regardless of what people say, there really are no experts. They just don't exist when it comes to family. Actually, there's some evidence that experts don't exist at all. Also here...
     Please understand I'm not claiming to be an expert. Not even a little bit. I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I am saying I can offer men skills they don't already have. Generalized skills that can help any relationship, including the one with your child. This is where men, in general, tend to fall short. They are just confused when it comes to relationships. This is what I'm good at. Part of it is a natural talent, some has come from experience, some I'm hoping that by seeing trends in fathers and drawing from my resources, I may be able to help fathers, which will help strengthen families.
     It comes down to this: even if I never have a child, I could still teach fathers ways to better their relationships with their children. This is because I've been in relationship with other people, I've lived with them, there are commonalities that are nearly universal. And when I do officially become a father, that won't matter much either because my relationship with my child will be very different than the one you have with your child. If I do it right, I should be able to package my information into something that's useful, not just theoretical. This can be through the blog, a book, speaking/conventions, affecting social change through raising awareness, or by all trying to use all of the above. As long as my recommendations and observations are true, useful, and create more robust and fulfilling family relationships, I'm doing my job.
     This is one of the reasons I value your comments so much. It helps me see what is the most useful of my posts, it helps me know what you want more of, and it helps me know what you're frustrated with. These things are important to me. Not only because they will better prepare me to be a father, but because they will better prepare me to prepare other fathers. Whether we know it or not, we are living in community. Until lately, that community has been fragmented and compartmentalized into gender roles, social assumptions, and a whole random assortment of invisible rules. But a father being physically, mentally, and spiritually available to his family is crucial. Don't get me wrong, mothers are important as well, but it's always going to be better with two people working together. America has a 50% divorce rate right now; this will have an impact on our children and future generations. While I'm not nearly naive enough to admit all divorce is avoidable, I'm also not stupid enough to think that a 50% failure rate is acceptable.
     Men of my generation are trying, and they're trying hard. They have a general lack of certain essential communication tools and concepts that can change their life, their family, and their community forever; but where do they turn? It's probably a pipe dream, but setting up national support centers for fathers would the best part. While men aren't supposed to stop and ask for directions, this is one trip where getting lost can have dire consequences. We're slowly realizing that and we know we need to do more than many of our fathers did. The good news is this: It can be done, and it can be done right now. That's why the next ten posts will cover certain ups and downs of fatherhood that men need to address. Please give feedback and let me know what you think